Work and sobriety: How to navigate the uncertain

When I first stopped drinking alcohol 7 years ago, it was after a seriously ridiculous holiday party in NYC. I remember sitting in a diner at 2am eating french fries with a coworker after drinking way too many double vodka sodas and saying to him, "I mean, I know I'm an alcoholic... I just haven't done anything about it yet."

The following week, I missed an 8:30am meeting. As I laid in bed staring at the ceiling with a regular-sized hangover, I decided that I was never going to become the hashtag-bossest-ass-bitch if I can't even make a morning meeting with people in the same timezone as me.

So I stopped right then 11/30/16. And held on tight, one day at a time, for 7 years.

Do whatever you’re comfortable with

You aren’t obligated to tell anyone anything at work. They’re coworkers, not family, and all you have to say at the conference or the holiday party is “oh I’m having seltzer tonight, thanks!” then quickly move on to real conversation.

In my experience, I told my most trusted colleague that I work the most with every day. The most supportive coworker I’ve ever had, my work wife, the gal that says “I know you” and means it and you know they’re right. I trust her.

From there, I started telling individual team members as the time felt right. My biggest fear was that I would fail. And then they’d all know I couldn’t do it.

So I didn’t tell anyone else until my sobriety felt “solid” so to speak. Probably 60-90 days in. I knew I wasn’t going to give up easily and that I was going to make it.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation about choices you make to improve your life.

Not everyone is supportive

Someone in the C-suite said to me early on, "you're going to have a really hard time connecting with your team if you can't drink with them. You're just going to miss out on too many bonding moments."

Projection, much? I still went to the bar with my team and had a wonderful time and sang karaoke and bonded and stayed up late and made inside jokes and laaaaughed and laughed.

Except I was clear-headed for it, made sure everyone got back to the hotel safely, and was in the office the next day with breakfast.

What if I had listened to him? What if I took my people pleasing past and decided that yes, I need to be drunk to be myself!

I didn't. I looked him in the eye and told him it was a matter of life and death.

Not everyone's sobriety journey is easy

I was part of a staggering statistic that "3 out of 4 marriages do not survive sobriety", especially when the other partner is not doing it with you.

Not everyone in your life is going to support you on this journey, even if you wish they would. I mean - a supervisor literally told me my job performance would suffer if I put the bottle down. You will need to get through these moments and these thought exercises and maintain the resolve that you are in the right place at the right time doing the hard and necessary work for yourself.

That's when you use your courage to change things that you can, and accept things you cannot. Thank you to those who never judged me. The fear of failure keeps many from making this decision. If you're struggling with this, please reach out to someone for support.

You got this.