It’s okay to be late

A reader writes:

“Our CEO has rolled out new values, and he’s now requiring us to apologize to the group if we’re late to a meeting. It’s led to some awkward pauses. Is this... normal?”

Oops, dad! How did you get in here?

Just kidding.

The TL;DR is this: Leaders need to treat employees like adults, avoid using power imbalances to control behaviors, and be prepared to follow their own rules. The more employees are empowered with tools, principles and guidelines, the more they can make good decisions without micromanagement – or moral judgment.

Your CEO is not your dad

Which is why it’s weird as hell that they would force anyone to say “please”, “thank you”, or “I’m sorry”, unless that person just stole the last donut in which case they owe everyone an apology. Further, they can’t force me to give kudos, 360 feedback, or sit in a chair without a break for more than 2 hours straight.

Treat employees like adults that can critically think

If I sneak into a meeting that I’m not hosting, 4 minutes late, because I had to pee, or even if I didn’t, I am absolutely not going to apologize. I’m not going to stop the cadence of the meeting, turn to my fake dad and say, “I’m so sorry I’m late because this company allows back to back meetings with no agendas or action items okay lets get started where were we”

I’m going to sneak in and turn my camera on randomly and stay silent until it’s my turn to talk.

Conversely, obviously if I’m the one hosting, leading the meeting or project, then I am wasting folks’ time. Or am I?

To get ahead of that I…

Tell everyone in advance it’s okay to be late

That way, no one has to stop and waste time apologizing – we all already know that real life is chaotic and sometimes we just need a granola bar to get our blood sugar level up before that next deep breath.

Half the time, multiple people are late, including the CEO, who shouldn’t even be there. In the office, forgettaboutit – between grabbing snacks, coffee, and a bathroom break on the way to the conference room, everyone in the office is consistently late. Why can’t remoters grab a glass of water too?

The risk is the organization builds “rule debt” where there are many disconnected policies that are based on reactions to specific behaviors. If leaders don’t follow them consistently too, they become both meaningless and also tools of control, which is a bad combination.

As someone who firmly believes that good leaders follow their own rules, the best bet is to create a set of remote working expectations that generally follow a few simple principles around being a good human.

If the host is late, which let’s be real, is most often me:

1. I make it totally clear to the team that the expectation is that the group can chitchat for 5 minutes while they wait.

2. Once 5 minutes is up it’s time to start without the host. Discuss any action items that you can do without the host for as long as you can.

3. Take those notes as normal and delegate action steps, including back to the host, and then close early to “give everyone their 3 minutes back.” (generous!)

Now the host is not a blocker and the meeting isn’t wasted

The team is empowered to get their work done because they all own their different pieces and contributions to the project. They know it’s their responsibility to move those pieces forward, be prepared to report on progress and results, and proactively reach out for help with blockers.

Most of the time, when I’m not in the room, the group has a much more lively and creative discussion (this is natural!). But if they don’t know what to say and just hop off without talking about anything, then the meeting was truly wasted.

Add in the exhausting price of context switching, and this really shoulda been an email don’t you think?

If your leadership is reminding you to apologize

You have a few options:

1. Ignore it if you are okay with doing that. If not, or they come back around to try again:

2. Respond by saying, “Typically if I am late it is because I ran into an unforeseen conflict or issue, need to use the restroom or are having tech issues. Trust that I am trying my best to respect everyone’s time, and in instances where I am unable to join within 5 minutes of the meeting starting, I will make sure to enter prepared to listen and participate so as not to be a blocker to the project.”

   1. If they give you a kind response, honor it. Do your best to be on time and uphold your end of the bargain.

   2. If they give you a snarky response, you can respond with: “Your feedback is noted.”

3. If something else is wrong, like: Many others are also late including potentially the leader themselves, or you are still in back to back meetings for multiple hours, you can:

   1. Ask for clarification on the principles of productive meetings at the company, noting which days where you have back to back meetings, and asking curiously who the rules apply to.

4. Meet with your manager to do “meeting triage”: Combine, merge, shorten, and decrease cadence of meetings. Make sure each has an agenda and outcomes. Be vigilant about allowing appropriate time for managers to manage, and you’ll find that you have fewer and more helpful meetings overall.

Atlassian author Ashley Faus transparently asks, “All things are not equal, so be honest with yourself, your team, and your stakeholders about how you’re prioritizing work relative to your bandwidth.”

And if none of those things work, I'll voluntarily tell you now that I’m sorry. It sucks being behavior-policed in a world where employers have entered our homes on video, our personal cell phones, and our doctor’s offices.

Now go call your dad.

“Okay Karen, time for you to apologize to the group! You really seem to be enjoying your coffee there HEH HEH”